英语翻译就这几句，扁鹊说的话：我经过一夜思索，我不是
编辑： admin 2017-23-02
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Let me take it down
An elephant said to a mouse ,"no doubt that you are the smallest znd most useless thing that Ihave e ver seen ."
"Pless ,say it again .Let me take it down ."the mouse said ."I will tell a flea what I know."
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西.”
“请再说一遍,让我把它记下来.”老鼠说.“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听.
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you."
While wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then two in a grave."
Lawyer Jokes :
A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "Here lies John Kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "How about that!" he exclaimed. "They've got three people buried in one grave."
__________________________________
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by
court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
_________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
__________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
__________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
A:Nice to meet you.
B:Nice to meet you,too.
C:Nice to meet you,three.
An Artist
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and
wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
An old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"Once I met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"It was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.But why have you added so many more this time?"
"You silly lad.You were younger last year,and I was afraid to frighten you
BUYING A HAT
A lady went to a hat shop to buy a hat. As she was very fussy, it took her a long time to pick on one. Already at the end of his patience the salesman was afraid that she might change her mind again so he tried to flatter her: "An excellent choice, madam. You look at least ten years younger with this hat on!" To his dismay, the lady took off her hat at once and said: "I don't want a hat that makes me look ten years older as soon as I take it off. Show me some more hats!"
I'M NOT HAVING IT ALL CUT OFF.
Miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. But this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. While Miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
"Hello, Miles," the manager said. "I see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
"Yes, sir, I am," admitted Miles calmly. "You see, sir, it grows in office time."
"Not all of it," said the manager at once. "Some of it grows in your own time."
"Yes, sir, that's quite true." Answered Miles politely, "but I'm not having it all cut off."
But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
The difference between men and women
Jock was driving up a steep, narrow, tortuous, Scottish mountain road. A woman was driving down the same road in the opposite direction.
As they pass each other the woman leant out the window and shouted: "PIG!"
Jock immediately leant out his window and replied with "BITCH!"
They each continue on their way, but as Jock rounded the next corner he ran into a pig in the middle of the road.
The Clock
Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Theresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?" "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."
"Where is Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He is using it as a ceiling fan."
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
In the morning Mr.Smith comes into the garden at the back of his house. He sees much snow(雪) in the garden.Mr.Smith wants to take his car out, so he asks a man to clean the road from his garage(车库)to the gate(大门). He says to the man,”Don't throw any snow on that side. It will damage(损坏) flowers in the street, or the policeman will come.”Then he goes out.
When he comes back, the road is clean.There is no snow on the flowers, on the wall or in the street. But when he open the garage, he sees the garage is full of snow(被雪充满), the snow from the road, and his car is under the snow!
A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear.
She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
英语幽默笑话：
一：She Didn"t Say Anything
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, “It was Mom”.
“How do you know?” asked her father.
“She didn"t say anything.”
二：I Have Turned It Over
A woman said to her husband, “dear, look at our sheet! It"s too dirty. Would you like to wash it now?”
The man looked at the sheet and then thought for a while and then said, “I don"t think it"s necessary. We can turn the sheet over. Is that all right?”
三、40 over Li lotus heart disease arises suddenly, is escorted to the hospital first aid. The condition extremely too bad, the Li lotus felt oneself nearly all already died.
In the rescue, the Li lotus has heard God's sound suddenly: "You cannot die, you also may live for 45 years 6 months 02 days, has the courage to go on living!"
Certainly, the result was the Li lotus miracle is revived. After the body recovers, the Li lotus thought oneself also can live for more than 40 years, then □has anxiously is leaving the hospital, first repairs the face, then makes up the lip, then is the prosperous chest, finally is the thin abdomen, continuously has undergone 4 cosmetology surgeries altogether, then was called the specialized hair stylist to visit the service, changed has sent the color, has made the new tide hairstyle, the entire stature looked at □the young several years old.
After last the reshaping surgery completes, the Li lotus then happily handled left the hospital the procedure, □thought actually the ambulance which rapidly 驶过 by 撞死 in the entrance.
After the heaven, the Li lotus has been angry interrogates God: "Since you had said I also may live for 45 years, then you should not eat the word."
God awkwardly 耸了耸肩, replies: "Really is sorry, at that time, the vehicle hit when you... ... I have not recognized am you."
英语笑话这里面有的,可以看看：
http://www.sxuu.com/loveu/Article/english/yyxx/200508/22000.html
英语幽默
双关歇后语：）~
http://www.sxszjzx.com/~t207/wht_2.htm
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
Do You Know My Work?
One night a hotel caught fire, and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out,” said one,“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire, the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work,” said the other．
“What is your work?”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh!” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said,“And do you know my work?”“No,”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
译文：（自己简单翻译）
你知道我是干什么的吗?
一天晚上,一家旅馆失火,住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡 衣就跑了出来.
两个人站在外面,看着大火.
“在我出来之前,”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间,找到了一大笔钱.人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的.如果有人把纸币留在火里,火就会把它烧成灰烬.所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了.没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷.”
“你不知道我是干什么的.”另一个说.
“你是干什么的?”
“我是警察.”
“噢!”第一个人喊了一声.他灵机一动,说：“那你知道我是干什么的?”“不知道.”警察说.
“我是个作家.我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事.”
Who is the laziest
Father:Well,Jack,I talked with your teacher today .And now I want to ask you a question ,Who is the laziest person inyour class ?
Jack:I don`t know ,father.
Father:Oh,think!When other boys and girls are reading and wirting ,who sits quietly and only watch how other people word?
Jack:Our teacher ,father.
更多的请点击参考资料链接.
谢谢!
类似问题
类似问题1：急找有哲理性或幽默的英语故事,5分钟左右,急找有哲理性或幽默性的英语故事,5分钟左右,希望有人能帮我找找,记住是要5分钟左右的请不要太短,也不要太长还要有翻译希望有很多篇我想要筛[英语科目]
1.These Things Shall Never Die
这些美好不会消逝
The pure.the bright,the beautiful, 一切纯洁的,辉煌的,美丽的,
That stirred our hearts in youth, 强烈地震撼着我们年轻的心灵的,
The impulses to wordless prayer, 推动着我们做无言的祷告的,
The dreams of love and truth; 让我们梦想着爱与真理的;
The longing after something's lost, 在失去后为之感到珍惜的,
The spirit's yearning cry, 使灵魂深切地呼喊着的,
The striving after better hopes- 为了更美好的梦想而奋斗着的-
These things can never die. 这些美好不会消逝.
The timid hand stretched forth to aid 羞怯地伸出援助的手,
A brother in his need, 在你的弟兄需要的时候,
A kindly word in grief's dark hour 伤恸、困难的时候,一句亲切的话
That proves a friend indeed ; 就足以证明朋友的真心；
The plea for mercy softly breathed, 轻声地乞求怜悯,
When justice threatens nigh, 在审判临近的时候,
The sorrow of a contrite heart- 懊悔的心有一种伤感--
These things shall never die. 这些美好不会消逝.
Let nothing pass for every hand 在人间传递温情
Must find some work to do ; 尽你所能地去做；
Lose not a chance to waken love- 别错失去了唤醒爱的良机-----
Be firm,and just ,and true; 为人要坚定,正直,忠诚；
So shall a light that cannot fade 因此上方照耀着你的那道光芒
Beam on thee from on high. 就不会消失.
And angel voices say to thee---你将听到天使的声音在说-----
These things shall never die. 这些美好不会消逝
2.Let us give the most sincere wishes for our mother
1.As a child, the little boy very poor family, food, rice is often not enough to eat, his mother took the bowl of rice to the children to eat. Said the mother, children, eat fast, I hungry! - Scatter his mother's first lie
儿时,小男孩家很穷,吃饭时,饭常常不够吃,母亲就把自己碗里的饭分给孩子吃.母亲说,孩子们,快吃吧,我不饿!——母亲撒的第一个谎
2.Boy's body a long time, hard-working mothers used the time to rest Sunday in the rural county in rural areas, fishing some rivers to fish for children calcium supplements. Good to eat fish, fish soup is very fresh. The children eating fish, the mother is on the side eating fish bones, tongue licking the fish marinated meat on the bones. Feel bad boy, put his bowl of fish bowl folder to the mothers, mothers eating fish. Mothers do not eat, the mother also use chopsticks to fish folder back to the boy's bowl. Said the mother, child, eat fast, I do not like fish! - Scatter his mother's second lie
男孩长身体的时候,勤劳的母亲常用周日休息时间去县郊农村河沟里捞些鱼来给孩子们补钙.鱼很好吃,鱼汤也很鲜.孩子们吃鱼的时候,母亲就在一旁啃鱼骨头,用舌头舔鱼骨头上的肉渍.男孩心疼,就把自己碗里的鱼夹到母亲碗里,请母亲吃鱼.母亲不吃,母亲又用筷子把鱼夹回男孩的碗里.母亲说,孩子,快吃吧,我不爱吃鱼!——母亲撒的第二个谎
3.On the junior high school, for boys and Gejie enough to pay tuition fees when the mother went to work sewing collar neighborhood home to some matchbox, paste in the evening at the Zhengdian cents up at home. There is a winter, the boys wake up the middle of the night, also saw his mother bent over a lamp in the body under the matchbox paste. Said the boy, his mother, sleep it, you would also like to go to work tomorrow morning. Mother smiled, said the children, sleep fast, I do not storm! - Scatter his mother's third lie
上初中了,为了缴够男孩和哥姐的学费,当缝纫工的母亲就去居委会领些火柴盒拿回家来,晚上糊了挣点分分钱补点家用.有个冬天,男孩半夜醒来,看到母亲还躬着身子在油灯下糊火柴盒.男孩说,母亲,睡了吧,明早您还要上班呢.母亲笑笑,说,孩子,快睡吧,我不困!——母亲撒的第三个谎
4.The college entrance examination, the Qing Lejia mother every day to stand at the entrance test sites for the college entrance examination to attend the boy back. Every summer, the scorching sun head, stubborn mother is the next stop in the scorching sun for several hours. Examination of the end of the bell, and mother Ying Shangqu pass with a cup of canned good bottle of bubbles urged children to drink strong tea, tea is also strong, Gengnong situation. Looking at the mother of chapped lips and the sweat haired boys can be in the hands of anti-bottle delivery in the past invited the mother to drink. Said the mother, child, Drink soon, I Buke! - Spreading the mother of four lie
高考那年,母亲请了假天天站在考点门口为参加高考的男孩助阵.时逢盛夏,烈日当头,固执的母亲在烈日下一站就是几个小时.考试结束的铃声响了,母亲迎上去递过一杯用罐头瓶泡好的浓茶叮嘱孩子喝了,茶亦浓,情更浓.望着母亲干裂的嘴唇和满头的汗珠,男孩将手中的罐头瓶反递过去请母亲喝.母亲说,孩子,快喝吧,我不渴!——母亲撒的四个谎
5.After the death of his father, mother and mother when they Dangdie, relying on their own sewing in the agency that point, pull put up with all kinds of low income children, for their study, life miserable. Alley crossing under the wire rod repair of the table know that Uncle Lee, big and small issues on the fork to find a helping hand to fight back, moving to move coal, fetching water and pick, to send more Qianliang to help pay for the boy's home. Non-vegetation, ruthless Practice makes perfect. Neighbors saw this, in mind, tried to persuade mothers remarry, why should his suffering. But over the years but Shoushenruyu mother, never marry, others Zaiquan, categorically refuse to listen to mother, mother, I do not love! - Spreading the lie of the five
父亲病逝之后,母亲又当爹又当娘,靠着自己在缝纫社里那点微薄收入含辛茹苦拉扯着几个孩子,供他们念书,日子过得苦不堪言.胡同路口电线杆下修表的李叔叔知道后,大事小事就找岔过来打个帮手,搬搬煤,挑挑水,送些钱粮来帮补男孩的家里.人非草木,孰能无情.左邻右舍对此看在眼里,记在心里,都劝母亲再嫁,何必苦了自己.然而母亲多年来却守身如玉,始终不嫁,别人再劝,母亲也断然不听,母亲说,我不爱!——撒的五个谎
6.Ge Jie and her boys graduated from university to work, the mother of a post on the nearby farmers market stalls were put up to maintain life. I was away working children are often aware that after sending money back subsidies for mothers, mothers do not resolutely and will back the money back. The mother said, I have money! - Spreading the lie of the six
男孩和她的哥姐大学毕业参加工作后,下了岗的母亲就在附近农贸市场摆了个小摊维持生活.身在外地工作的孩子们知道后就常常寄钱回来补贴母亲,母亲坚决不要,并将钱退了回去.母亲说,我有钱!——撒的六个谎
7.Boys school to teach for two years after the United States to obtain a doctorate at the University of brand-name, to stay in the United States after graduating from a scientific research institutions, the treatment of a very rich, good condition, in a foreign mother wants to take the boys to enjoy the benefits Qing Fu has been turned down for the elderly. Said his mother, I am not used to! - Spreading the lie of the seven
男孩留校任教两年,后又考取了美国一所名牌大学的博士生,毕业后留在美国一家科研机构工作,待遇相当丰厚,条件好了,身在异国的男孩想把母亲接来享享清福却被老人回绝了.母亲说,我不习惯!——撒的七个谎
8.Old age, the mother is seriously ill and was admitted to the hospital, about a boy on the other side of the Atlantic by plane to come back, after the mother is on the verge of death had. Old mother, looked to be a very tough battle on the disease afflicted mother, the boy grief, and tears. Said the mother, children, do not cry, I hurt. - Caesar's last lie
晚年,母亲患了重病,住进了医院,远在大西洋彼岸的男孩乘飞机赶回来时,术后的母亲已是奄奄一息了.母亲老了,望着被病魔折磨得死去活来的母亲,男孩悲痛欲绝,潸然泪下.母亲却说,孩子,别哭,我不疼.——撒的最后一个谎
Let us give the most sincere wishes for our mother
3.Don’t work too hard
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more but enjoy less.
我们这个时代在历史上的说法就是我们拥有更高的建筑,但是有更暴的脾气；我们拥有更宽阔的高速公路,却有更狭隘的观点；我们花费得更多,拥有得却更少；我们购买得更多却享受得更少.
We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time; we have more degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.
我们的房子越来越大,家庭却越来越小；便利越来越多,时间却越来越少；学位越来越多,感觉却越来越少；知识越来越多,观点却越来越少；专家越来越多,问题也越来越多；药物越来越多,健康却越来越少.
We drink too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
我们喝得太多,花钱大手大脚,笑得太少,开车太快,易怒,熬夜,赖床,书读得越来越少,电视看得越来越多,却很少向上帝祈祷.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life; we’ve added years to life, not life to years.
我们常常夸夸其谈,却很少付出爱心,且常常心中充满了仇恨.我们学会了如何谋生,而不知如何生活.我们延长了生命的期限,而不是生活的期限.
We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space; we’ve done larger things, but not better things.
我们登上了月球,并成功返回,却不能穿过街道去拜访新邻居.我们已经征服了太空,却征服不了自己的内心；我们的事业越做越大,但质量却没有提高.
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less; we plan more, but accomplish less.
我们清洁了空气,却污染了灵魂；我们分离了原子,却无法驱除我们的偏见；我们写得更多,学到的却更少；我们的计划更多,完成的却更少.
We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait; we have higher incomes, but, lower morals.
我们学会了奔跑,却忘记了如何等待；我们的收入越来越高,道德水平却越来越低.
We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication; we’ve become long on quantity, but short on quality.
我们制造了更多的计算机来存储更多的信息,制造了最多的副本,却减少了交流；我们开始渴望数量,但忽视了质量.
These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but more broken homes.
这个时代有双收入,但也有了更高的离婚率；有更华丽的房屋,却有更多破碎的家庭.
These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. Where are we heading...?
这个时代有了快速旅游,免洗尿布,却抛弃了道德、一夜情、超重的身体,以及可以从快乐中走向静止和自杀的药物.我们将走向何方……?
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family we left behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.
如果我们明天就死掉,我们为之工作的公司可能会在一天内很轻易地找人代替我们的位置.但是当我们离开家人后,他们的余生将会在失落中度过.
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family an unwise investment indeed.
考虑一下吧,我们将自己的时间更多地投入到工作中,而放弃与家人在一起的时光,实在并非明智之举.
So what is the morale of the story?
那么这则故事的主旨是什么呢?
Don’t work too hard... and you know what’s the full word of family?
不要工作得太辛苦,你知道家的全称吗?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER, (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU.
家＝爸爸妈妈,我爱你们
类似问题2：需要一篇有一定哲理或有意思的英语小故事不要复制呢!然后语法和单词,句子都不要错大约100词[英语科目]
1Last week,Mrs Black went to London.She didn’t know London very well,and she lost her way.Suddenly she saw a man near a bus stop.She went up to the man and said,“Excuse me!Can you tell me the way to the hospital,please?” The man smiled.He didn’t know English!He came from Germany.But then he put his hand into his pocket,and took out an English dictionary.He looked up some words.Then he said slowly,“I’m sorry I can’t understand you.”
有错误你可以杀了我
类似问题3：英语小故事搞笑幽默又有哲理,50到100个词[英语科目]
请采纳我的问题
1、一个女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的订婚戒指,但竟没有一个同学注意到,令她忿忿不平.到下午大家坐着谈天的时候,她突然站起来大声说：“哎呀,这里真热呀,我看我还是把戒指脱下来吧.” 2、女主人把女佣叫到面前问她：“你是否怀孕了?” “是啊!”女佣回道. “亏你还说得出口,你还没有结婚,难道不觉得害羞吗?”女主人再次训. “我为什么要害羞,女主人你自己不也怀孕了吗?” “可是我怀的是我丈夫的!”女主人生气地反驳. “我也是啊!”女佣高兴地附和. 3、一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服,就是把口子在后面扣上,可以挡风.一天他酒后驾驶, 翻了,一头栽在路旁.警察赶到： 警察甲：好严重的车祸. 警察乙：是啊,脑袋都撞到后面去了. 警察甲：嗯,还有呼吸,我们帮他把头转回来吧. 警察乙：好.一、二使劲,转回来了. 警察甲：嗯,没有呼吸了. 4、在一条七拐八拐的乡村公路上,因为时常发生车祸,所以常常有一些鬼故事发生,有一天晚上,有一个出租车司机看见路边有一个长发披肩,身着白衣的女人向他招手,因为这个司机没有见过鬼,所以大胆的停下来让她上车了,这一路上,司机虽然不信有鬼,心里也毛毛的,所以时常从后视镜看后面的女人,开着开着,突然司机发现那个女人不见了!司机吓了一大跳,赶紧踩了一个刹车!只见那个女人满脸是血,表情狰狞.司机吓的牙直打颤.突然那女人开口了：“你会不会开车啊!我低头系个鞋带你突然一刹车我把鼻子都撞破了……” 5、一个病人去看病,医生检查了他,皱着眉头说：“您病得太严重了,恐怕不会活多久了.” 病人：“求您告诉我我还能活多久?” 医生：“十……” 病人着急地问：“十什么?十年?十个月?十天?” 医生：“十,九,八,七,六,五……” 6、老师：“你能说一些18世纪科学家共同特点吗?” 学生：“能,他们都死了.” 7、犀粪蜣和蚊子谈恋爱,蜣问蚊子是做什么工作的,蚊子说：“护士,打针的.”蜣一拍大腿：“缘分呐,我是中药局搓药丸的…” 8、一非洲人住在某一宾馆.夜半,起火,不明原因.非洲人见状顾不了那么许多,光着身子就跑出去了.消防员见状惊呼：“我的妈呀!都烧的糊了吧区的了还能跑那么快!” 9、一个人想出国考察,但必须得到老总批准.于是他向老总请示,老总给了他一张字条,上面写着：“Go ahead”. 那人想：“Go ahead=前进,老总是批准了.”于是他开始打点行李. 一个同事见到了他问：“你在做什啊?”他说：“我准备出国考察,老总批准了,给我写了‘Go ahead’.” 同事一见条就乐了：“咱们老总根本就没批准!咱老总的英语水平你还不知道,他这是在说去个头!” 10、牧师对买了他马和马车的农夫说：“这匹马只能听懂教会的语言,叫"感谢上帝"它就跑;叫"赞美上帝"它才停下.”农夫将信将疑,他试着喊了一声感谢上帝,那匹马立刻飞奔起来,越跑越快.一只跑到悬崖边上惊恐的农夫才想起让它停下来的口令“赞美上帝”.果然,马停下来了.死里逃生的农夫长出一口气：“感谢上帝………”
我打了很久,请采纳
1 the night before, a girl get boyfriend engagement ring, but no one noticed the classmate, make her antics. You sit and chat in the afternoon, she suddenly stood up and shouted: \"oh, it's really hot in here, I think I'd better take off your ring.\" 2, the mistress called the maid to ask her: \"are you pregnant?\" \"Yes!\" The maid answered. Export \"kui you still say, you are not married, don't you feel shy?\" The hostess training again. \"Why should I be shy, you don't the hostess also pregnant?\" \"But I conceive is my husband!\" The hostess retorted angrily. \"Me too!\" The maid happy to echo. 3, a man riding a motorcycle like the dress, is to cut on the back, can the wind. Drunk driving one day, he turned over, a planted on the road. Police: police a: a good serious car accident. Policeman b: yes, his head hit the back. Po1: well, still breathing, let's help him turn his head back. Po2: good... One, two, turn back. Policeman a: well, not breathing... 4, turn in a curvy country road, because often in a car accident, so often have some ghost story, one night, there's a taxi driver saw the side of the road have a long hair shawls, dressed in a white woman waved to him, because the driver didn't see a ghost, so bold stopped to let her get on the bus, along the way, the driver doesn't believe in ghosts, the in the mind also maomao, so often the woman behind the rearview mirror to see, open open, the driver found the woman suddenly disappeared! The driver startled, hurriedly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman face is blood, grim expression. The driver frighten of teeth chatter. Suddenly the woman spoke: \"would you drive! I bow to fasten shoelaces are you smashed through a sudden brake my nose...\" 5, a patient to see a doctor, the doctor examined him, frowning said: \"you too serious ill, I'm afraid I won't live much longer.\" Patient: \"please tell me how long will I live?\" Doctor: \"ten...\" Patient anxiously asked: \"what? Ten years? Ten months? Ten days?\" Doctor: \"ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...\" 6, teacher: \"can you say some 18 th-century scientists common characteristics?\" Student: \"yes, they are all dead.\" 7, rhino poop Qiang and mosquito fall in love, Qiang asked a mosquito is to do what work, the mosquito said: \"nurse, give or take an injection.\" Qiang a clap a thigh: \"the fate, I am a traditional Chinese medicine bureau rub pills...\" 8, the africans live in a hotel. In the midnight, a fire, unknown reason. Before rushing so many africans, naked and ran out. Firefighters said exclaimed: \"my mama ah! All paste the burned area can run so fast!\" 9, a person wants to go abroad, but it must be approved by boss. So he to the manager for instructions, the boss gave him a note, it read: \"Go ahead\". The man thought, \"Go ahead = progress, boss is approved.\" So he started to packing. A colleague to see he asked: \"what are you doing?\" He said: \"I'm ready to Go abroad investigation, boss approved, wrote me 'Go ahead'.\" Colleague of joy at the sight of article: \"let's boss haven't approved! Our boss English don't you know, he is said to head!\" 10, priests to buy his horse and carriage of the farmer said, \"this horse can only understand the language of the church, call\" thank god \"it ran; called\" praise god \"it didn't stop.\" Farmer track, he tried to thank god gave a cry, the horse gallop, immediately ran faster and faster. A run to the edge of the cliff frightened farmer remembered that let it stop password \"praise god\". Sure enough, the horse stopped. Close the farmer grows a sigh: \"thank god.\"
I played for a long time, please
类似问题4：英语故事既幽默又带哲理[英语科目]
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying,"Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming,"Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated,"ENTRANCE".
类似问题5：有哲理的英语小故事带翻译的哦~~快点.哲理的短文.不要太长的.要短文。。⊙﹏⊙b汗。。[英语科目]
Willful Child
Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm
Once upon a time there was a child who was willful and did not do what his mother wanted.For this reason God was displeased with him and caused him to become ill,and no doctor could help him,and in a short time he lay on his deathbed.
He was lowered into a grave and covered with earth,but his little arm suddenly came forth and reached up,and it didn't help when they put it back in and put fresh earth over it,for the little arm always came out again.So the mother herself had to go to the grave and beat the little arm with a switch,and as soon as she had done that,it withdrew,and the child finally came to rest beneath the earth.
从前有个非常任性的小孩,她从不听母亲的话,上帝对此很不高兴,让她得了医生谁也治不好她的病,很快她就踏上了黄泉之路.人们把她的尸体放入了墓穴,然后向她身上撒泥土,但突然她的一只手臂伸了出来,向上举着.人们把她的手臂又塞了进去,继续撒泥土,但她的手臂又伸了出来.对此她母亲也无计可施,只得走下墓穴,用棍子在那手臂上敲了一下,它这才缩了进去,这样小女孩总算在地下安静地长眠了