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英语幽默小故事
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里.他妈妈问,“发生了什么事?” “一个男孩咬了我一口,”伊凡说.“再见到他你能认出来吗?”妈妈问.“他走到哪里我都能认出他,”伊凡说.“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢? 他的耳朵在我衣兜里
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy." A Good Boy
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱. “昨天给你的钱干什么了?” 好孩子
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说. “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?“她是个卖糖果的.”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied theboy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时,家里没有奶酪了,于是女主人向大家表示歉意.这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子.过了一会儿,他拿着一片奶酪回到房间,把奶酪放在客人的盘子里. 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子,你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好.你在哪里找到的奶酪?” “在捕鼠夹上,先生.”那小男孩说.好客
面试人员给一位前来应征的男士一张履历表,于是就填了这样的信息——
姓名：English or Chinese□英文的还是中文的?
年龄：Confidential（这是私人问题）
身高：Not related to the job（这跟工作有关系么）
体重：Varies all the time before lunch or after（随时改变饭前饭后都不同
居住地：At what stage of my life please be more specific（那是一个特别的地方,我生命的舞台）
电话：Ericsson（爱立信手机）
电子邮件：Only give to pretty and rich girls（只留给漂亮和富有的女孩）
上班时间：The shorter the better（越短越好）
应征职位：A position that has not much to do but surround by pretty and young girls（找一个不做什么实事,但能被美女包围的职位）
学历：Graduated at the wild chicken university（毕业于一个你找不着的大学
语言能力：Fluent in bullshits（侃大山是专长）
兴趣：Sleeping and sleeping（睡得天昏地暗）
生日：正月初七
经历：Fooling around all the time（游戏人生）
曾任职位：Decent or not decent□please be more specific（高级的或者低级的都是一种经历）
已婚未婚：Still looking for a rich and beautiful girl□hopefully can find in your company（我正在寻找漂亮又富有的女孩,希望在你们公司能找到
未来期望：Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible（只负责主席台讲话,并且希望尽早退休）
希望待遇：Lesser workload the better（比实际工作量拿得多就行
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
老鼠的第二语言也重要
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步,突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽.
母老鼠向着猫叫道："汪,汪,汪",猫听了非常害怕,拼命跑走了.
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说："现在你知道外语的重要性了吧."
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗? 约翰尼：他害病卧床了.他受了伤. 汤姆：真糟糕,怎么回事儿?约翰尼：我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了.
There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roadside to cut hair, and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts. One day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath, near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts. So the man asked the barber, "Is that your dog?" And the barber replied, "No, he always comes every day. It's not my dog. I don't know whose dog it is." Then the customer asked, "So if it's not your dog, you never feed him, right?" And the barber said, "No." And the customer said, "Then why does he always come here every day?" And the barber answered, "He's waiting in case an ear comes off." A Very Patient Pooch
一处简陋的乡下,一位理发师傅在路边的小棚子帮人理发.有位经常 来理发的男士,注意到有一只狗老是喜欢坐在客人的座椅旁边,于是 他问师傅：那是你的狗吗?师傅答：不,不是我的狗,我不知 道那是谁的狗,不过,它每天都会来.那个客人又问：不是你的狗,那你从来没有喂过它吗?师傅回答：没有.客人又问:那它为什么每天都来?师傅回答：它在等看看有没有耳朵掉下来. 耐心的狗
类似问题
类似问题1：简单的英语小故事[英语科目]
One hot summer day a fox was walking through an orchard.He stopped before a bunch of grapes.They were ripe and juicy.
"I'm just feeling thirsty," he thought.So he backed up a few paces,got a running start,jumped up,but could not reach the grapes.
He walked back.One,two,three,he jumped up again,but still,he missed the grapes.
The fox tried again and again,but never succeeded.At last he decided to give it up.
He walked away with his nose in the air,and said“I am sure they are sour.”
狐狸和葡萄
●一个炎热的夏日,狐狸走过一个果园,他停在一大串熟透而多汁的葡萄前.
●狐狸想：“我正口渴呢.”于是他后退了几步,向前一冲,跳起来,却无法够到葡萄.
●狐狸后退又试.一次,两次,三次,但是都没有得到葡萄.
●狐狸试了一次又一次,都没有成功.最后,他决定放弃,他昂起头,边走边说：“葡萄还没有成熟,我敢肯定它是酸的.”
类似问题2：特别短的英语小故事要个超级短的英语小故事,不要没有意义的[英语科目]
A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road,he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said,"I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big; so he could not go over it.He waited for some time; then he said,"I cannot go to the rich man's house today,for I cannot get over the river." He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples,and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
【译文】 一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去,当他沿着路走时,在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果,他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果,因为富人会给我更多的食物,他会给我很好吃的东西.”然后他拿起苹果,一把扔到土里去.他继续走,来到河边,河涨水了,因此,他到不了河对岸,他等了一会儿,然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了,因为我不能渡过河.” 他开始回家,那天他没有吃东西.他就开始去找吃的,他找到苹果,很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了.不要把好东西扔掉,换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处.
类似问题3：很短的英语小故事三年级英语演讲用的,[英语科目]
Just after class,a teacher asked to a student"Boy,why have you got cotton in your ear?Is it infected?You look very pain," "No,sir,but you just told me everything my a ear went in one ear and out.so I am trying to stop it."
类似问题4：急求英语小故事要求四年级英语水平,短一点的,最好是有网站的,要求四年级英语水平,短一点的,最好是有网站的,最好不要叫我到百度找[英语科目]
圆桌骑士The Round Table Knights
The Round Table Knights were a group of greatest knights who had the honour to sit at the Round Table at King Arthur’s court. According to a story, Arthur had a carpenter build the Round Table to show that no knight, not even Arthur himself was “head of the table”. All were equal and the king was just “first among equals”. The table was so large that it had enough seats for 1600 men and yet could be folded up and carried on horseback. According to another source.. Merlin the magician had the table built for Uther, Arthur’s father. Uther gave the table to King Leodegan. Later,Leodegan gave the table to Arthur after Arthur married Guenevere, Leodegan’s daughter. Still another story says that the Round Table had 12 seats around it, like the table at the Last Supper, with an empty place representing Judas’s seat. This seat was called the Siege Perilous, and was reserved for the knight so pure in heart that he would someday find the Holy Grail, the cup or dish used by Jesus at the Last Supper.Any other knight who sat in the seat would die. One day, Sir Galahad’s name appeared on the seat. From then on, he occupied the Siege Perilous .Later, as expected, he found the Holy Grail with the other two knights.
Knights considered it a great honour to have a seat at the Round Table. Brave men came to Arthur’s court from many countries hoping to become a Round Table Knight. Many stories describe the heroic deeds of various Knights of the Round Table. Several tell of the adventures of Sir Tristram and Sir Gawin. Other famous Round Table Knights included Lancelot, Bedevere, Bors, Galahad, Perceval and Modred..
The greatest adventure of the Round Table was the search for the Holy Grail. However, only the three knights---Bors, Galahad and Perceval were pure enough to be able to find the Grail. All the others had various moral defects. This fact damaged the reputation of the Round Table. To make things worse, a love affair developed between Queen Guenevere and Sir Lancelot, who was perhaps the greatest of the Round Table knights. This scandal destroyed the bonds of respect and friendship that had united all the knights.
The mortal blow to the Round Table ws given by Sir Modred, who tried to seize Arthur’s power. In a battle between the forces of the two men, Arthur killed Modred but he mimself was seriously wounded and soon died. The Round Table broke up following the death of Arthur.
圆桌骑士是亚瑟王宫廷里有权在圆桌旁就座的骑士.据传,亚瑟之所以让人造一圆桌,是因为圆桌无首席,所有骑士平起平坐,即使亚瑟本人也只是“众平等骑士之首”而已.这张桌子可坐1600人,但又可以折叠起来,一匹马就能驮走.据另一说,圆桌是墨林为尤瑟造的,尤瑟将它赠给了利奥德根王,而当亚瑟娶利奥德根王的女儿圭内维尔时,利奥德根又将它赠给亚瑟.也有人说圆桌周围有12个座位,与耶稣和他的门徒共进最后的晚餐时用的桌子相仿.其中有一个空位,代表犹大.这个座位被称为“危座”,留给能够找到圣杯的最圣洁的骑士.圣杯是耶稣在最后的晚餐上用过的杯子.不够圣洁的骑士若胆敢就座,就会马上死去.有一天,加拉哈爵士的名字出现在“危座”上,此后,这个座位就归他了.他后来果真与另外两位骑士找到了圣杯.
骑士们将能在圆桌旁就座视为最大的荣誉.各路豪杰纷纷前来,希望在圆桌旁得到位置.很多故事讲各圆桌骑士的英雄业绩.特利斯特拉姆和高文爵士的故事脍炙人口.其他著名的圆桌骑士还有朗斯洛、拜德维尔、博斯、加位哈德、珀西瓦尔、莫德雷德等人.
圆桌骑士们最伟大的历险是寻找圣杯.但其中只有博斯、加拉哈德和珀西瓦尔三人足够圣洁,有资格找到圣杯.所有其他骑士都有各种各样的道德缺陷,败坏了圆桌骑士们的名声.使事情更糟的是,圆桌骑士中最骁勇善战的朗斯洛爵士与亚瑟的妻子圭内维尔私通,违反了骑士道,破坏了骑士们的团结.
最后,莫德雷德爵士试图篡位,给圆桌骑士这一集体以致命的一击.亚瑟王率军与莫德雷德作战,在战斗中杀死莫德雷德,但自己也受了致命伤,不久死去.亚瑟死后,圆桌骑士各奔东西.
The ass and his purchaser
A man wanted to buy an ass. He went to the market, and saw a likely one. But he wanted to test him first.
So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses. The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass in the stable.
When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to his owner.
The owner felt quite surprised. He asked the man, "Why are you back so soon? Have you tested him already?" "I don't want to test him any more," replied the man, "From the companion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is."
驴和买驴的人
一个买主到市场上去买驴,他看中一头外表不错的驴,但是他想要牵走试一试.
他把驴牵回家,放在自己其他的驴之间,这驴四处看看,立即走向一头好吃懒做的驴旁边.
于是,买驴的人立刻给那头驴套上辔头,牵去还给驴的卖主.
卖主感到很奇怪,他问买主：“你怎么这么快就回来了?”买主说：“不必再试了,从他所选择什么样的朋友来看,我已经知道他是什么样了.”
寓意: 物以类聚,人以群分.人们往往喜欢跟与自己相同的人交往,所以,我们可以根据一个人的朋友来推断他的为人.
英语童话小故事：猫和玉米
Oh,look!He stopped eating.
Meow made a new tooth from a kernel of corn!
This cat ate the ear of corn.
He made a harmonica out of the corncob.
Oh,look!The cats are brushing their teeth with the Harmonica.”Chi-ka,chi-ka.”Up and down,up and down.
That’s right.Teeth have to be cleaned after eating.Good cat!
The cats are thinking of something.They are full and have brushed their teeth.Now it’s time to play.What game can they play with the corn?
First,this cat is making a net with corn silks.
Yes!He must be planning to catch his favorite fish.
The stalks and the leaves of the corn are being made into a sailboat.The corn stalks are woven into a raft.The sails are made by attaching the leaves.
“Lu=Lu,La-La!Lu-Lu,La-La!”
One cat plays the harmonica as the other cats ride on their sailboat.Another cat brought a net.
He is going to catch some fish.Aren’t they very funny cats?
英文童话译文：猫和玉米
来自猫村庄的猫去河边野餐.
一只猫发现了一根玉米杆.
猫会如何处置这根玉米杆呢?
他一定饿了.他正在吃玉米粒.
噢,瞧!他停止吃了.
猫咪新咬了一排牙印在玉米粒上!
这只猫吃掉了玉米穗.
他把玉米棒子弄得象口琴一样.
噢,瞧!猫咪们正在用口琴刷牙.
“奇-卡,奇-卡.”上下,上下.
对了.在吃东西以后,牙齿必须被清洁.好猫咪!
猫咪们正在想一些事情.他们吃饱了而且刷了牙.
现在是时间玩耍了.他们能用玉米玩什么呢?
首先,这只猫用玉米丝穗编了一张网.
是的!他一定是计划捕捉他喜欢的鱼.
玉米的茎和叶子被做成了一只小帆船.
玉米杆儿被编成了一只筏子.
这些船帆是通过绑上叶子做成的.
“噜-噜,啦-啦!噜-噜,啦-啦!”
在其他猫乘上帆船时,一只猫吹着口琴.
另一只猫带来了网.他打算捕一些鱼.
他们难道不是一些非常有趣的猫么?
麦兜名字的由来
麦兜是一只右眼上有个胎记的小猪.他有一颗金子般的心,但他不是很聪明,什么方面都平平无奇；尽管如此,他也有自己的梦想.每一次他尝试着达成自己的理想,他都会失败；他会感到失望,但依旧进取,追逐着自己其它的梦.他就是这样创造了自己的一片天地.他单纯而简单的生活,以及虽不完美,却积极向上的生活态度,和永不放弃的精神,使得他受到了大众的欢迎.
麦兜名字的由来有一个故事.麦太临盆去医院准备生麦兜的时候,她看到了一只神奇的塑料盆(粤语中叫做“胶兜”)从她头顶飞过.由此她向塑料盆许了一系列的愿望,希望将来的儿子能很聪明、读书好,长得帅,像梁朝伟或者周润发,还有运气要好,最后塑料盆终于落地.麦太认为这是老天爷传递的异象,而麦胶这个名字不好听,于是决定取名麦兜.
McDull is a male pig who can be distinguished by a birthmark on his right eye. He has a heart of gold, but he isn't very smart and ordinary in every way; nevertheless, he has many dreams. However, every time he tries, he fails; he is disappointed, but tries again, exploring other dreams. In this way he creates his own colourful world. He lives his life simply and naturally. He is not perfect, but his attitude towards life, namely of never giving up, makes him a popular character.
The name McDull actually has a story itself. When Mrs Mak was going to give birth to McDull, she saw a magical plastic basin (pronounced roughly as "dull" in Cantonese) flying over her head. Believing it a sign from the gods, she named her son as "Dull".
麦兜系列主要人物中英文名对照：
麦兜 McDull
麦唛 McMug
麦太 Mrs. Mak(麦谭玉莲 Mak Tam Yuk Lin)
麦炳 Mak Bing
类似问题5：英语小故事提供一篇简单的英语小故事（不要太长，[英语科目]
A poor pig
Danny is a little pig .He is unhappy because he wants to leave home to see the world .
It’s a sunny day .Danny goes away when his parents are sleeping .on his way he meets an elephant ,a peacock and a rabbit .At last ,he gets to a lake .He looks at his reflection in the water and says,“I wish I have an elephant’s nose ,a peacock’s tail and a rabbit’s ears .” after a while ,Danny’s wish comes true .He runs back excitedly .
But his parents can’t recognize Danny ,“Go away ,you’re not our son .” Danny goes to the lake again .“ I just want to be a pig .” He says sadly .Danny waits and waits .He becomes a pig again .
Danny runs back quickly .His parents hug and say ,“ This is our lovely baby .”
可怜的小猪
丹尼是只小猪,为此他很不开心,他希望自己能够拥有大象的鼻子、孔雀的尾巴、小兔的耳朵.可是,当他的愿望实现的时候,爸爸妈妈却不认他了.可怜的小猪决定,还是变回自己原来的样子吧