...be a great honor for me
编辑： admin 2017-01-03
-
4
1.Dear teachers 改为 The Admission Committee 或者去掉
2.It will be a great honor for me if I can get access to the world-famous university--HKU.
太没有自信
3.What attract me 改成What attracts me
4.International ways of teaching 改为World-class education
5.Culture Platform to the outer world ---> diversed culture cocktail
6.I’m fairly familiar with...太口语化
7.in an incredible speed ---> incredibly rapidly
8.a easy task --> an easy task
全文不够自信 重点需要再突出 说服力尚可
提示：
哇，太...................
类似问题
类似问题1：求香港大学申请的个人简介大概是I have long been eager to enter the HKU for it owns international fame and holds an fabulous academic atmosphere…………Since I have always been keen on how the world runs and enjoying challenges as we[英语科目]
有什么爱好、优点、特长及能力,对自己的未来有什么规划,告诉她考上香港大学是你实现人生目标的重要一步 要包括自我介绍,谈下你之前的学习经历和成绩
类似问题2：港大申请个人简介写了一篇,I aspire to enter HKU because of the high teaching and learning quality and the whole-person education.What's more,I believe that studying in HK will broaden my horizons at a more open and freedom stage.Having alw[英语科目]
Having always been living and studying in a small town,I didn't have much access to participanting in extra-curricular activities or winning awards.
↑HKU比较注重课外能力,没有必要主动暴露自己的弱点
I have good critical thinking skills and I don't want to waste it←建议给个例子,奖项或者是哪个PROF的评语都行
And I have been learning drawing since Grade six.←如果有考级的话最好写出来
希望在轰空优能见到你=W=
类似问题3：港大的个人简介 急As a mainland student,HKU is a attractive school in my mind.The view of globalization and the academic atmosphere of freedom made it a vital school,which attract me most .In my opinion ,with the process of globalization,the a[英语科目]
As a mainland student,HKU is an attractive school in my mind.The view of globalization and the academic atmosphere of freedom made it a vital school,which attracts me most .In my opinion ,with the process of globalization,the advantages of HKU can make its students have a longer view and be more creative,which will benefit their whole lives.So I want to be a member of your school,not only to improve myself,but also to be a part in HKU’s improvement.
As for the major,I’d like to choose BECON/BFIN/BECON&FIN as my first choice,and BBA as the second .The stock market has grown fast these years.I’m interested in economy because my mother joined in it.Since then,I became concerned about the
improvement of Chinese financial market.Compared with western countries ,China is still not that mature in the stock market and financial field.So studying economy is a good choice for me to help my country and
research what I’m interested interested in .
Concerning about the future,to have a health body and a healthy soul is my goal.I also want to have some achievements in the financial field.I’m looking forward to being admitted by the HKU eagerly.
这是改好的,原文写得很不错,只是有点点语法错误,请查收.
类似问题4：I have been dreaming of going to the University of Hong Kong since I was young.The rich history and culture really appeal to me.Meanwhile,I’d like to face the challenge of a new language,a new life,and a new way of thinking.As we all know,with extr[英语科目]
最最最严重的问题：
As for major, having considered thoroughly, I choose BBA as my first will. I am interested in Accounting and Finance .
前后逻辑不通.
你说你想读BBA,通常是因为你对商业运作,对市场网络,对人力资源等有兴趣,你说你喜欢会计和金融,是不完全对口的.
更重要暴露你对港大开课的不了解,你喜欢会计和金融干嘛不申请 E&F A&F专业?
如果我来写,第一句不会这么做作,第二句写他有什么HISTORY和CULTURE啊?你懂的都写下去啊,Found in 18**, 言论自由啊,说得具体点.
EXTRAORDINARY太中性了,可以形容坏的,换一个.unique 也是.
世界性用GLOBALIZTION, global vision来概括,别用太多简单词.
iternational viusal field =chinglish, => global vision/horizon
make me broaden, 语法累赘,直接 which widens/broadens my .
first will => first choice
accounting has a high application 中国英文 => acct is very practical and applicable to many fields
bright perspective => promising
shape a person? => to be a better person
最后一句太自大了.
类似问题5：香港大学英语的个人简介怎么写啊?[政治科目]
主要内容比较重要,不要太重视文采.
竞赛证书最重要,其次学习成绩和课外活动说明.
这个不是很重要的,笔试面试很重要.