中秋节的英语笑话，短点的-中秋节笑话-英语学习资料
编辑： admin 2017-26-03
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The Speeding Ticket
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding...
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my fifth DUI.
Officer: Can I see the registration for this vehicle?
Driver: Oh, it's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: Yeah. Oh, but come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove compartment when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: You have a gun in there?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the lady who owns the car. She's in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the trunk?!?
The officer tells the man to hold on, backs off carefully, and calls for backup. Quickly, the car is surrounded by police, and the captain approaches the driver to handle the situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure, Officer.
Captain: Hmm, this license is just fine. Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open the glove compartment, please, so I can see if there's a gun in there?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
He opens it, and sure enough, there's no gun.
Captain: Would you mind if we opened the trunk? I was told you said there's a body in there.
Driver: No problem.
The trunk is opened, nothing in there but a spare tire.
Captain: The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove compartment, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too!
类似问题
类似问题1： 【英语笑话【短】………………】百度作业帮[英语科目]
1.Virtue
Many years after receiving my graduate degree,I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator,someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.
When the door finally opened,I felt a compassionate pat on my back,and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me."You'll get that degree,dear," she whispered."Perseverance is a virtue."
美 德
获取研究生学位多年以后,我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员.一天,电梯里很拥挤,有人抱怨电梯效率太低.我说自我在那里当学生起,20年来电梯一直没有换过.
最后当电梯门打开时,我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下,回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑.“你会拿到学位的,亲爱的,”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德.”
2.Difference
"I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class," observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles."When I say,'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond,'Good afternoon." But the graduate students just write it down."
区 别
“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来,”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说.“我说‘下午好’,本科生们回答说‘下午好’.研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上.”
3.Too Long
The travel editor of a newspaper called,saying she was finally using an article I had written several years earlier.She wanted to be sure the tour information was still correct."I also wanted to make certain," she sheepishly confessed,"that you're still alive.Whenever the writer has died,I know I've held a story too long."
太久
一家报纸的旅行版编辑打开电话,说她终于决定要采用一篇我几年前写的文章.她想确定那旅游信息是否还可靠.“我还想确定,”她怯怯地坦白道：“您是否还健在.每次发现作者已经不在人世了,我才知道我将文章压得太久了.”
4.Charge for Bread and Butter
Some years ago,my dad,an attorney,took me to a fancy restaurant in Now York City.When the bill arrived,there was a $1.50 charge for bread and butter.Dad paid the bill,including the charge for bread and butter.However,the next day,he sent a letter to the resturant stating that the charge was uncalled for.Enclosed in the same envelope was a bill for $500 in legal services.
Someone from the restaurant called immediately and asked,"What is this $500 bill for?We never ordered any legal services."
Dad replied,"I never ordered any bread and butter."
The $1.50 was returned without delay.
面包和黄油费
几年前,我当律师的爸爸带我去纽约的一家高档餐馆.帐单上来时,上面有1.5美元的面包和黄油费.爸爸付了帐,连同面包和黄油的收费一齐付了.但是第二天,他给餐馆寄了一封信,说那项收费是没有道理的.随信还寄上了一张500美元的法律服务机构的收费单.
餐馆马上打来电话,问道：“这500美元的收费单是怎么回事?我们从来没有要什么法律机构的服务.”
爸爸答道,“我也从来没有要什么面包和黄油.”
那1.5美元立即就寄了回来.
5.Sleeping Pills
Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor,who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.
Sunday night Bob took the pills,slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office,strolled in and said to his boss:"I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."
"That's fine," roared the boss,"but where were you Monday and Tuesday?"
安眠药
鲍勃晚上失眠.他去看医生,医生给他开了一些强力安眠药.
星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药,睡得很好,在闹钟响之前就醒了过来.他到了办公室,遛达进去,对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有.”
“好啊!”老板吼道,“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了?”
英文谚语大全
Each bird loves to hear himself sing.鸟儿都爱听自己唱歌.
Each day brings its own bread.天无绝人之路.
Each man is the architect of his own fate.命运掌握在自己手中.
Eagles catch no flies.大人物不计较小事情.
Eagles fly alone,but sheep flock together.鹰单飞,羊群集.
Early mistakes are the seeds of future trouble.早期的错误可以酿成日后的麻烦.
Early sow,early mow.播种早的收获早.
Early start makes easy stages.早开始是成功的保证.
Early to bed and early to rise make a man healthy,wealthy and wise.早睡早起,令人健康、富有而且聪明.
类似问题2： 短的英语笑话[英语科目]
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧?
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的.你说呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉.虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了.
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧?
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的.你说呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉.虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了.
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
Who Is the Laziest?
Father: Well, Tom, I asked to your teacher today, and now I want to ask you a question. Who is the laziest person in your class?
Tom: I don't know, father.
Father: Oh, yes, you do! Think! When other boys and girls are doing and writing, who sits in the class and only watches how other people work?
Tom: Our teacher, father.
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧?
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气.Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思.
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的.你说呢?
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面.
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉.虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了.
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
类似问题3： 谁会短点的英语笑话啊?短点容易背就行哦要有中文翻译啊![英语科目]
有2个,第一个非常短的哦~
TOM'S EXCUSE
Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆：我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行."
DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?
One day,Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him,"You got all your homework right this time,Tim.What happened?Did your father help you?"
"No,sir.He was too busy last night,so I had to do it all myself," said Tim.
你爸爸帮你了吗?
一天,蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业,发现他全做对了.老师很高兴,同时也十分惊讶.他把蒂姆叫到桌前说："蒂姆,你这次的作业全都做对了,怎么回事?你爸爸帮你做了吗?"
"不,先生,我爸爸昨天很忙,我不得不全由自己做了."
类似问题4： 【英语笑话特别短的,】百度作业帮[英语科目]
The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party.Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment,he said,"Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow.When the door open,push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well,gosh," was the reply,"You're not coming empty-hangded,are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了.他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃.门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开.”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊.天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答.
Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return,I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house,I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said,"Mom's here?"
哪一位女人?
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵.当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃.”
我丈夫抬头看了看,说：“妈妈来了?”
类似问题5： 【谁能告诉我几个又短小又搞笑的英语笑话!】百度作业帮
A Dollar Per Point
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.Once the test was over,the students all handed the tests back in.The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying,"A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out.This student got back his test and $64 change.